Broken-down Poetry: Observations


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Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I've been back at Indiana Wesleyan for a few days now, and I'm ready to make a few observations before I go into school-mode. (Right now I'm in lazy-mode. Am I going to start my Prose homework for Thursday? Nope. That's what tomorrow's for!)

1. Let's start here with you, Mr. Blog. The most obvious (okay, subtlest) observation is that I have a tendency to write in my blog with nearly perfect grammar, but rarely do I capitalize the title of my blog post. I capitalized this one only because I noticed it. I should try to be more consistent, you know? It was cute back in middle school to use lowercase letters all the time. It's kind of lame now, don't you think?

(I watched nearly all four and a half seasons of How I Met Your Mother over break. This will give context to my next observation.)

2. I think when I'm at IWU I have "revertigo," a state of being Marshall named on HIMYM. When I'm here I start acting like I acted all of last year. I tried to stop myself last semester, but I fell into the pattern. When I'm at IWU, I am an IWU student. It's kind of awful.

I'm not a bad kid here - that's not really the issue. I just don't take my spirituality as seriously. (Probably because "everyone else is doing it.") I read my Bible more at home. I pray more at home. I spend more time contemplating spiritual matters at home.

Here I get really angry at Christianity and act all elitist and snobby. Which isn't good. Stupid revertigo.

3. For the past few weeks I have been paying attention to my eating habits and the way my body reacts to things. It's fascinating, really.

I noticed first that when I am anxious I lose my appetite. So when I am anticipating an interview with a celeb (ha, which happens rarely enough), I can't eat. When I like a boy, and I know I'll see him soon or if I just saw him, I lose my appetite. When I'm awaiting an important phone call or email, I lose it as well.

But when I'm stressed out I eat more than usual. When I'm angry or depressed I eat more than usual.

Over break I paid special attention to my eating habits in relation to how I felt physically, how much I weighed and how well my pants fit. I should have graphed this out, honestly, because it taught me a lot about the effects of food on my body.

For the first week of break, I was anxious so I didn't eat much. I was down ten pounds from my "normal" weight. (The weight I've maintained since senior year.) After Christmas parties, I started drinking soda. I hadn't had pop since the summer, save for a glass or two at a restaurant or Baldwin when I craved it. By the end of the holidays I was back to my "normal" weight and I felt like crap and my pants were tight.

So I drank water. Lots of water. I craved pop, gave in every once in a while, then drank water when I started feeling sick again.

By the end of break my pants felt nice again, I felt nice again, and though I didn't weigh myself again, I think I'm a few pounds below my "normal," or just there.

So I paid attention to my body. I think it's important, honestly. It's kind of an act of worship - not of my body, but as a way to make sure my (overused Christian metaphor) "temple" is, you know, in tact. I don't want to risk using more Christianese by saying "it's suitable for Jesus to dwell within it." Ha!

4. I read a lot of blogs. During my music appreciation night class tonight, I read about 20 of the 35 blogs I inconsistently follow. (I have three that I read as they're updated and about three more I read when I have free time.) Rarely do I have time to read those lower down on my blogroll. Today I had time. And it was glorious.

One of my favorite blogs is by a guy named Daniel Florien, an evangelical-turned-atheist. Rarely do you hear of people like this. I hear about the atheists-turned-evangelical, like Lee Strobel and Josh McDowell, but never those who (God forbid) abandon the faith. That was slightly irreverent. It's that revertigo again.

I don't mean to take this leaving-the-faith thing lightly. But I wonder if we're (Christians) the reason a lot of people abandon faith in God or never figure out who Jesus is for themselves. If we are the body (oh my Casting Crowns ...), and we are full of hate and ungrace, then I bet it looks like God's the same way. Or that we Christians are full of it when we say that God is Good though we are Pompous and Rude.

[I want to note that Daniel Florien didn't stop believing in God because of other Christians. His conversion (or anti-conversion, if you will) was entirely intelligence-based. I also learned that from reading his blog.]

5. I overuse parentheses. I usually don't, honestly.

I also overuse those dangling guys too: "comma honestly," "comma really," "I mean comma."

So like Buddy Glass in Seymour - An Introduction, I will offer you condolances in the form of a parentheses bouquet: (((((()))))). Enjoy.

Today I sat through Prose with Dr. Allison, and I fell in love with writing. It's funny: I wasn't writing, but I was falling in love just listening to Dr. Allison talk about writing. It's a good feeling.

He talked about how writers must write as though they believe in absolute truth. When I blog, I present my ideas as if they were true - or at least I believe they're true, or pretend that I do for my audience's sake.

That blew me away.

I will blog about this shortly, fear not.

Dr. Allison also talked about how it's not as important to find my voice as a writer but to find a voice. When you establish your own voice you can limit yourself. I've seen that. I am so comfortable writing in my quirky-yet-professional bloggy voice, that I forget that I need to stretch myself.

Anyway, that's pretty profound ... or at least mildly interesting. To me. Ah, fragments.

Mmm enough for now.
Comment if you wish.
Sorry this was long and not so deep.
But that's okay.

Of course.

With love and squalor,
Lauren Deidra


J to the Dizzle said...

haha, parentheses... I totally thought of 'Seymour' before you made the bouquet.

Lauren said...

Of all the blog posts you chose to read ... THIS one? Ya weirdo.