Nine of the fifteen people I live with

I love them.

Back-front, L-R:
Joey
D-Buck
SophiePop
Benji
Me! (Laurenzo)
Claireta "Killer"
Alexi
El Presidente
Lyd
Estah

Hi, I'm a narcissist

I am a narcissist.

After my Media and Society paper about narcissism on Facebook, I realized that I have all the tell-tale signs of a narcissist. I talk about myself. I am frustrated when people don't honor me the way I think they should. And in the midst of my self-loving is self-loathing - I want to be more than I already am.

It's a big mess.
It's also something I've been praying against since the spring.

My goal for this internship was to rid myself of narcissism. I wanted, and still want, a character arc. I want my character - me, Lauren Deidra Sawyer - to change during this internship, and for the better.

I wanted to magically become more others-focused and compassionate.
I wanted to overcome my insecurities and view myself soberly.

It's about four weeks into my internship, and I think it's finally happening, just not in the way I had imagined. I thought that I'd start stripping myself of narcissism when I met a bunch of sick kids or toughed the 115 degree heat. But honestly, I'm being challenged the same way I am in the States.

Note that I'm glad I'm going through this. I don't want my dear PLC family to think that they're doing anything wrong. Everything that's going on is for the best - I believe it. I won't be able to shake this narcissism without fire.

Observations:
- I am most comfortable in a leadership position ... so I find myself in a country where women aren't meant to lead. I'm forced to be okay with that.
- I'm not the best. Esther's the journalist. Lydia's the artsy one. Claire's the funny one. Sophie's Wonder Woman. I'm just me. A me that isn't "winning" at the moment.
- The task I chose for the summer does not bring me instant gratification. I am one of the few interns that took a long-term project. I am making headway on my assignment - PLC's year-end review, kind of like a magazine - but it's not as though what I'm writing is posted on the blog. It's hard. That's the one thing I love about working at a newspaper - I can see results by the end of the week.
- To somehow make this vague and mysterious: it's hard talking (I mean "talking") to a boy when you're a narcissist. It's easy for me to talk about myself all the time, but that's not how you attract the opposite sex.


Oh God, break me down.



I read this prayer in Elise and Sarah's copy of "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer:

Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further Grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still.


Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my Love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me Grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.








Ezekiel

Creed

I wrote in my journal today about how I understand why ANGER is one of the Seven Deadliest Sins.

I'm really sick of people's attitudes.
What's worse is that I can't even pretend that my attitude's any better.
I roll my eyes at people who say mean, bigoted curses,
but then I think worse thoughts in my head.
I need a refocus.

I'm reading a book of sayings by the Desert Fathers, early church monks who lived in the desert (duh) to escape society and politics. I can't get one line out of my head:

So it is with anyone who lives in a crowd; because of the turbulence, he does not see his sins: but when he has been quiet, above all in solitude, then he recognizes his own faults.

There's so much truth to that. I think about what I said a few posts ago, about "revertigo," how whenever I'm on campus I start losing focus on things that matter. It's because there are so many distractions. So much is going on. There's so much to do.

At home, my bedroom is my monastery.

Here, though I live in community with my sisters in Christ (my fellow "nuns," to continue the metaphor), I can't get the quietness of a real monastery. It's keeping me from seeing my sins ... perhaps because I focus too much on others'.

I really need a refocus.

--

Over Christmas break I wrote a creed, a statement of beliefs in rhetoric that I understand, emphasizing points that I believe to be most essential. I imagine this is a work in progress.

But, in light of that perhaps unnecessary preface, here is my creed:

We believe in God, Maker of all we can and cannot see.
We believe in the Trinity: the holy relationship of Father, of Son and Spirit.
We believe that one Third of the Trinity, Jesus Christ, became human to liberate us.

We believe He was born of a virgin’s seed, lived on earth as a human, was tempted – like us, suffered – like us, but remained without fault.

He was tried and put to death as a threat to the Empire. And on the third day he resurrected, reacquainted with his followers, and ascended into heaven.

We believe in sola gratia – that only through God’s radical forgiveness we can be Liberated.
We believe in sola fide – that only through taking Jesus seriously can we receive His Grace.
We believe in sola Scriptura – that only through God’s Speaking can we know this Truth.

We believe in the universal Church, acting as Christ to the world: professing peace, love, grace and justice. We believe in the Kingdom already established on earth, and not yet complete.

Amen. 

--

Is there anything in my creed you would emphasize more? Is there anything you'd emphasize less? 

There will be snacks

College makes me cynical.

I used to be so optimistic and hopeful and daydreamy, but ever since I started mingling with so many like-minded people with their stupid morals and stupid agendas* ... ugh ... I've grown exhausted. Optimism used to come so naturally. Now I have to work at it.

* When I'm cynical, I stereotype.

But I think this might be changing - slowly.

A few posts ago I described Grace as a hug. I can't get over that. It's not a perfect analogy by any means, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Grace hugged me a lot last week.

The weather is beautiful. The sky might still be grey and dull, but it's warm. *Hugs*

Two of my favorite Salinger books came in the mail. *Hugs*

I bought the Avett Brothers' album "I and Love and You," which is beautiful. *Hugs*

Believing that we don't live according to a merit system is wonderful. When I do something wrong, God doesn't punish me. God doesn't just bless me when I do something right. Everything in life is a gift.

I don't have to earn anything.
How freeing.

--
These Grace hugs are making me more generous. I find myself wanting to give my money away. I tell people I'm praying for them - and I actually do pray. (I don't usually tell people I'll pray for them because I know I'll forget.)

I know this isn't coming from me. It has to be God. I'm just not a very nice person.

You know how in elementary school we had to list three adjectives to describe ourselves, and "nice" is always the default description? Lauren is QUIET, CREATIVE and NICE. False. I'm not nice. (Side note: what if we were honest about those three adjectives? Lauren is SELFISH, INSECURE and AWKWARD. Thank God for Grace.)
--

I think of the Kingdom of Heaven, of Zion, of the New Jerusalem. The Bible talks about a redeemed world established by Jesus, but not complete until he returns again.

The Kingdom of Heaven is like a tiny mustard seed.
The Kingdom of Heaven is like the yeast a woman kneads into dough.

I think of Christianity as a grassroots movement. I think of the early church meeting in attics and sharing money and food. I think of everyone having enough.

In the midst of my cynicism, I'm realizing how desperately I yearn for Zion. I want to be part of that underground movement, not like the Christians on their megaphones who turn our faith into a Political Party, a Crusade or a Religion.

I want to be part of the Kingdom. I don't want to pretend that going to church or talking Christianese means more than it does. I want to serve like Jesus served. I want to be the last in order to be first. I want to live open-handedly and give to the poor. I want to lose my life to save it.

Andrew Bird sings about a post-Apocalyptic world. His description is so elementary, but I think it's what I want the Kingdom of heaven to be about:

I know we're going to meet some day

In the crumbled financial institutions of this land

There will be tables and chairs

There'll be pony rides and dancing bears

There'll even be a band

'Cause listen, after the fall there will be no more countries

No currencies at all, we're gonna live on our wits

We're gonna throw away survival kits,

Trade butterfly-knives for adderall

And that's not all

Ooh-ooh, there will be snacks there will

There will be snacks, there will be snacks.

--
As Christians we talk so much about the Kingdom to be established, but what about the one on earth? What about the one we have a hand in creating?

Maybe this is why I have been so cynical. I don't think we're establishing the Kingdom, just adding to the noise of the culture.

I want to be Kingdom-minded.
I want to focus on things that matter.
I want to delight in the Hugs God gives me. (Oh, I'm aware how cheesy that sounds.)

Living for God looks less like a formula, and more like a story.
But like all stories, there's conflict.

Establishing the Kingdom of God means overcoming fears. It means getting over our human desire for comfort, and believing that there are thing worth living and dying for. It means taking risks. It means acting irrationally by the world's standards, for God and for Love.

And not everything will go as planned.

But it's okay.
Because there will be snacks.

Everything in life is a gift, a snack table at the funeral of our life-as-we-know-it.

Cling to Grace.

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen." Jude 24f


with love and squalor,
Ezek.

on Forgiveness

This is the worst one.

--

Yesterday the newspaper staff had a meeting about some of the problems we've been having this year so far. I brought up a long list of clerical issues - stuff we couldn't have anticipated earlier on - hoping to diffuse any catty fighting before it began. Our staff has turned against each other; I call it "the War." I thought talking about productive issues like how to get people to turn assignments in on time would keep any emotional stuff from surfacing.

Yeah right.

The song kept popping into my head: "If we're adding to the noise, turn off this song."

I've added to the noise.

I pretended to be Switzerland; I've become Benedict Arnold, a backstabber. The traitor on both sides. I'm not a revolutionary; I'm not a Tory.

I gossip. I can't stop doing it! I slander. I don't obey the post-it note on my desk: "God wants me to love [coworker's name]."

I don't hate bigotry; I hate bigots. I don't hate war; I hate warmongers.

It's as if every lesson I've learned about love has been erased: I've edited them into nonentity. It turns out being bitter/angry/wrathful is way easier than forgiving.

--

This is the hardest one: I don't know how to forgive. I know how to say it: "I forgive you," but I don't really know how to forgive.

I wrote an essay on forgiveness for Sentence Strategies about my stepmom, about how I haven't forgiven her for her alcoholism and the effects thereof. I told her that I forgave her, and it's not that I've been mulling over her past mistakes or anything. But I still don't think I've forgiven her.

I think forgiveness takes reconciliation.

I hate that word. It's a tough, tough word. It implies action. It implies humility. It involves me asking for forgiveness for my unwillingness to forgive.

Ugh.

The thing is, I know that this newspaper stuff isn't all that I need to ask forgiveness for. There's another publication that I've stirred drama over: dear RELEVANT. I feel burdened to ask Cameron for forgiveness.

Ugh.

It's ironic that what I thought I hated about RELEVANT is the very thing I'm engaging in. I am not being very Christ-like. Huh.

--

At the beginning of this school year, I found myself hating people on campus for no good reason. This happened frequently:

Lauren: Arrg. There's [insert name of NECC intern]. He hasn't even acknowledged me all school year.

Abby: Well, why don't you say hi to him.

Lauren: But he's a leader. And it was my church he interned at.

Lindsey: Oh geez.

Those people don't need to be forgiven - isn't this interesting? - but I feel like they need to apologize to me. Huh. I think people owe me something. They owe me a "hello" or a nod or something. But they don't.

No one owes me anything ...

... but I'm in debt to them.

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another. ..."

They don't owe me Grace, but I owe them Grace. It's not their attitudes or behaviors that I need to change, but my own attitude toward them.

--

Before our meeting ended, Dr. Huckins closed with a prayer. He mentioned a verse in his prayer, and it stuck with me:

"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. ..." Romans 12:10

I like that: "giving 'preference' to one another." Not only am I going to forgive you or ask you to forgive me, I'm going to prefer you over myself. I'm going to prefer being around you than being away from you. I'm going to prefer you to be my boss and no one else.

What a radical ("rooty") picture of forgiveness. And Grace.

It's not just a way to take care of the immediate issue ("I'm mad at you about this and this") but a way to get to the root of it, to reconcile, and keep bitterness from brewing.

come out!

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. Austin, I love your answer (after begging you week after week at Starbucks-ironically enough-I'm glad that you want to save your money, woot!). As for Tom and Paul, I will answer your comments throughout this blog.



So without further ado:



Part 2.5: Jesus wouldn't drink Starbucks.



Who are we worshiping? (Tom, I believe that was your question.) Are we worshiping God or Money? Clearly in Matt. 6 it says it's up to you to choose which one you're going to call Master. So which is it?



We won't answer that quite yet.

* * *

God called us to be set apart; I will say it again and again. We are to be a "holy people," we are God's Bride. We are not supposed to follow the pattern of this world.



"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." [Romans 12:2, The Message//Remix]

* * *

In Revelation, John the Revelator describes a mighty empire called Babylon as being like a seductive whore:

"Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great! She has become a home for demons and a haunt for every evil spirit, a haunt for every unclean and detestable bird. For all the nations have drunk the maddening wine of her adulteries. The kings of the earth committed adultery with her, and the merchants of the earth grew rich from her excessive luxuries." [Rev. 18:2-3]



Her whoring days didn't last long. By verse 9 of Revelation, after the "kings of the earth" committed adultery with Babylon, she ran outta her "goods." Verse 11 and 15 say, "The merchants of the earth will weep and mourn over her because no one buys their cargoes anymore.... They will say, ‘The fruit you long for is gone from you. All your luxury and splendor have vanished, never to be recovered.' The merchants who sold these things and gained their wealth from her will stand far off, terrified at her torment. They will weep and mourn..."



Notice Babylon's connection with money. Who's suffering from "Babylon's fall?" Are the poor peasants suffering? How about Christians? It doesn't say much about them. The passage does make it clear that the MERCHANTS will suffer and weep and mourn. [And the children of the Slaughtered Lamb will rejoice.]



Notice more from that Revelation passage: "John says that [the Whore of Babylon] is drunk with the blood of the saints. Her wineglass is filled with the blood she has shed throughout the earth-of "saints, prophets, and all who have been killed on the earth"-hers is the cup of empire, slaughter, genocide, and sweatshops. Everyone has grown drunk from the blood, and they stand back and marvel, ‘Who is like Babylon?' Babylon the beautiful. But there are those who do not drink from her cup, who do not grow drunk on the cocktails of culture. Their cup is filled with the blood of the Lamb. It is the cup of the new covenant. The question becomes, From which cup will we toast?" [Claiborne, Shane. Jesus for President, 2008; p.150]



So John the Revelator paints this awful picture of a sex-and-money-hungry Whore of Babylon who entices people to do what? SPEND THEIR MONEY. Not on the poor, of course, but themselves. Sounds familiar if you ask me (hint: "We must keep shopping." George W., post-9/11)



Am I jumping ahead too much?



Consider what Ezek. 16:49 says of good ole Sodom: "She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy."



Huh.



So what are we supposed to do? I believe that was the great debate. Tithe more? Or, as Tom said, just not hang on to money so tightly? The answer:



"Come out of her, my people,

So that you will not share in her sins

So that you will not receive any of her plagues;" [Rev. 18:4]



"John's language couldn't be clearer: we are to ‘come out' of her, literally to pull ourselves out.... Scholars point out that this is erotic language and that the words John uses are the same ones use for coitus interruptus-to interrupt sexual intercourse before its climax. As John is speaking of this steamy love affair with the empire, he calls the church to ‘pull out of her'-to leave the romance with the world and be wooed by God, to remember our first love [v2:4], to say no to all other lovers. Certainly he made his readers blush. And it's not easy to pull out of a relationship of dependency and romance, of lavish gifts and captivating beauty, especially with a bride as beautiful as Rome or America." [Claiborne, Shane. Jesus for President, 2008; p.150; emphasis added]



Boom-chicka-wow-wow.



Like I said before, in this blog and others, we are supposed to be set apart. We are DIFFERENT. I am a Christian, a "little Christ," a member of the Jesus Liberation Movement, I pledge allegiance to the true Son of God: Jesus Christ.



I am not of this world.



And since we are not of this world-or as Paul says, our "citizenship is in heaven"-we are supposed to not CONFORM to our culture but, (quote it, brothe'!) be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of our minds... etc, etc.



I do not have a solution to this financial issue. Personally, through reading this book (Jesus for President) I feel convicted to STOP buying things and live like Penny* for a year.



*In Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz, his friend Penny decided to not buy clothing for one whole year.



But, can I do it? Is that what God wants me/needs me to do?



I don't know.



Nor is that the point. I'm here as a messenger. Here's what I've heard, this is what I believe is a problem.





Lauren

MORE community stuff. [this stuff keeps coming!]

Okay, so last blog I talked about more of the socio-structure of the Christian Community. But, as Paul pointed out, I forgot to mention the impetus behind the Community in Acts 2: LOVE. Because, in the words of Dustin Kensrue... (who took them from the Apostle Paul). And moving mountains ain't no thing to me; I've faith enough to cast them to the sea, but I don't know the first thing about Love. But all other things shall fade away; while Love stands alone and still holds sway.



BUT, I'm not going to discuss the Love factor in Community yet. WHAT?! No, really, I'm not. I cannot yet. I'm writing based on what I'm learning via God and the books I'm reading and the experiences I'm enduring. I haven't met that lesson yet. It's coming though.



Today I'm going to talk about the fiscal obligations of a community.



Part 2: Christianity is not capitalistic.



SIDENOTE: In yesterday's blog I used to Acts 2 passage about people giving to each other as they had need (Acts 2:44). Today I'm going to use that same passage.



I have a pretty legitimate fear. When I grow up, I am afraid that I am going to be a workaholic- capitalistic-guru. I am afraid I'm going to be like the antagonist in the song "Man in the 3k Suit" by Jonezetta, or "The Ghost of Corporate Future" by Regina Spektor, or "American Dream" by Casting Crowns...etc. I think that I am going to have a lot of money and invest it to get even more money. I will be one happy rich girl.



Now, I only say that because I know how I am with money. Frankly, I am kind of good with it. Not perfect by any means (hence my fear) but I am decent for a newly employed eighteen-year-old. I save 15%, tithe/donate 10%, and though sometimes I spend the majority of my paycheck on one fun trip to the mall, I always have a good pot of money brewing in my checking account. I like my system; my mom has taught me well.



BUT. Okay, what if I continue to do that the rest of my life, maybe invest in some mutual bonds or some stock, get a well paying job as an editor, and live a happy life as a consumer.



THROUGH THE EYES OF MY ECON TEACHER: Mr. Adams would say I did a great thing. Rich people get rich not from spending all their money, but being smart with it. If I am smart with it, I will be well-off financially.



But, I don't think that I am supposed to live like that. Yes, I know we need rich people in the world, um, to invest in important causes (cancer research, eco-friendly products, etc.) but I don't know if that is always true. At least not for Christians.



We were called to be set apart as people of God-the Church. The early church was not all about spending all their money on new iPods or investing in the Walmart stock. They gave their money. Think of Ananias and Sapphira. And where in the Gospels is Jesus seen as having money? Never. (But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, "You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax." They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, "Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?") That was not his money; nor was it his money found in the fish that Peter caught.



Think the Old Testament now: Every seven years all debts were cancelled (if you were an Israelite, that is). Tah-dah! AND every seven years people were to let their fields die. Not to mention, in Malachi God tells his people to tithe 10 percent.



Don Miller describes his duty as a Christian Consumer as having to "let the fields die." Though he is a best selling author and speaker, he doesn't take any money for his books-none. The guy could be as rich as Joel Osteen if he did (bah-dah-tsh!), but he understands the importance of Not Getting Addicted to Money.



Where did I get ADDICTION from all of that?



How easy is it to NOT think about money when you have tons of it, spend tons of it, and invest tons of it? It's hard.



And here's my dilemma... Does God want me to have money when I grow up? I mean, more than just enough to survive.



I bet all of you, 100% of my audience, thinks that I should be smart with my money and make sure I have some when I grow up. You would have to think that, because it's the way all of you live. You have a computer, right? If you have a computer that's a pretty good indicator you have money-unless you're at a library.



Anyway, I guess I only have half of an argument here so please, don't comment this note and call me a crazy fool.



I only know what it's like to have money. Sure, I only get $6.50 an hour, but I always have my mommy to provide me with what I need. Am I addicted to money? Maybe. I mean, I love buying clothes, I love buying new electronics. I have surrendered to the emperor, I guess. (So to speak.)



More on this later. Make this part one of part two.





Lauren

more community chatter.

I have been thinking about the idea of community for a while now, as you learned from my previous blog. I think the concept, pertaining to Christianity in particular, is fascinating. Yes, it really is.



In my last blog I also said that I was experiencing a "perfect" community but, as Sarah politely pointed out, my CLAM group (Austin, Matt and I) is not "perfect" because we are "imperfect" people-by man's standards and God's.



But I do want to look at the idea of a perfect community even though I don't truly know what that is by experience (you win, Sarah), but because I believe that's what God designed us for. But with sin, that community cannot exist.



PART ONE: Christianity is not a democracy.



The foundation of our youth group is centered on this one passage of scripture (ready, Tom?) "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." [Acts 2:42-47]



I love this passage because it solely proves my next point. Get ready for it folks:



Christian community is a lot like SOCIALISM. (Really, it's a lot like COMMUNISM with Christ at its head, but let's not push it.)



DEFINITION: Socialism refers to the goal of a socio-economic system in which property and the distribution of wealth are subject to control by the community.^[1] This control may be either direct-exercised through popular collectives such as workers' councils-or indirect-exercised on behalf of the people by the state. As an economic system, socialism is often characterized by state, worker, or community ownership of the means of production, goals which have been attributed to, and claimed by, a number of political parties and governments throughout history. [says Wikipedia.com]



Now I mostly said that for a reaction. Let me explain myself before you mutter Lauren is Stalin under your breath.

The basic principle of the Christian Community described in Acts looks like this: people work hard, and use what they have to give to others in their community. People "pool their resources" to make sure everyone had what they needed. They don't earn status through their paychecks, but use everything they have to serve others. (Really, I just restated Acts 2:44)

Isn't that the basis of a "good" socialistic society? Everyone works to provide for the needs of others. That's what Eugene V. Debs wanted, right?

I don't know enough about socialism to go into much detail, but you understand the point. The way the Bible describes the early church is a lot like the socialistic nations of yesteryear. BUT.

Those countries were screwed up, Laur. Especially when you start comparing the Christian Community to communism. God isn't Stalin either.

Well, yes. That is because (let us reiterate Sarah's point once more) WE ARE NOT PERFECT. Socialism doesn't work for godless countries, so we cannot help but assume it won't work for God-filled communities that are, at the root of it all, sinners.

Let me work backwards here again. We know politically that socialism doesn't work because it gives the wrong people power AND citizens never do their share of work. BUT what if they did?

What if everyone in the country did their share of work and the leaders did not abuse their power? I think socialism would be a fine machine, don't you? But we all know that doesn't happen, not for countries.

But what about for Christianity? Can it work?

I mentioned in my last blog how I was fed up with the imperfect Christian Community, the one focused on trivial drama rather than the interests of others. But what about CLAM? What if the rest of the youth group, the church, the city, the state, nation, or the Church herself became dedicated to others' needs instead of just their own?

We could make this "socialism" thing work. Rather, we could make this "Acts 2:42-47" thing work.

Sure there will be flaws. There can't be a perfect community here on earth but we sure should try. God gave us the early church's example for a reason.



I believe we shall follow it. :-)

community.

My guy friends have a peculiar habit. (Peculiar I say because I don't believe a lot of guys even worry about stuff like this.)

They are girl-protectors. Now, let's move past my tendencies to be a strong, woman-power kinda chica and focus on the BENEFITS of this theory. (My point: I don't believe I need protecting most of the time. I have a thing called a gut and I know how to use it.)

BENEFITS: There are occasionally jerky guys that I need my guy friends to keep outta my life. i.e. John Derek.

STORY: Missions trip 2007, Lauren crushes on a nice looking lad named John Derek Raymond. Turns out he "liked her." (He lived in Louisiana, did I mention that?) But he liked a lot of other girls. A lot. So Lauren's guy friends kept him away from her.

That was nice; I appreciated it.

But, sometimes this peculiar habit has gone a little crazy. i.e. kid in youth group that "liked me." Another friend kept this kid away from me. I don't know why it was necessary, the kid wasn't going to harm me in anyway. But, I didn't like that guy so it didn't hurt that my friend kept him away.

MORE CRAZY: Two of my guy friends tried to keep me from liking this one guy just because they didn't know him. He was a great guy--a Christian--but the guys didn't approve.

Which, like I said before, that's all fine. I don't feel I need protected, but I appreciate the guys' manly efforts to keep jerks away from me.

BUT, here comes the irony: While my guy friends are warding off all these John-Derek-jerks, who's protecting me from MY GUY FRIENDS?

Oh, no, you can't like dude from that church because I don't know him. Or, I'll keep that dude away from you because he likes three other girls.

BUT I can swoop in, like another girl (let's say), or treat you badly (perhaps), or even play games.

How come they get off the hook?

The underlying principle is this: this women-protecting my guy friends are doing can only work if done in the context of a inner-relying community. What I mean by that is that all members of the community must agree to certain ideals so that no one can be taken advantage of.

The goal of any community is to promote the interests of the other members of the group. Isn't that true? Think of the ACTS 2 church: they shared everything, prayed for each other, loved one another ("they were in one heart")--they were ONE ACCORD. They didn't let their girls get involved with jerks but they didn't become jerks themselves.

They understood that community meant that everyone was equal, everyone had a part, everyone was to be respected and loved.

I think I'm in a perfect community right now, and I confess it isn't my church nor my youth group. It's L.A.M. (AKA Clam or Lamb or Glam)

My friends Austin and Matt and I meet for coffee every week to talk about anything and everything. We are real with each other--that's truly the basis of our friendship. We hardly ever agree on each others' opinions, but we know that we are not going to get shot down if we're totally out of line. We respect each other. We offer advice and take it to heart. We joke around; we don't try to edit ourselves.

That's a community.

It's not a group of bickering people deciding who's turn it is to date so-and-so nor is it a bunch of teens tearing each other apart for believing in predestination over free-will. It's a group founded in love: true, unadulterated LOVE.



[dedicated to austin and matt. you guys make me happy.]