Relationships are always in flux

I told Nate I've forgotten how to write prose--perhaps I have. I've been writing poetry a lot lately, mostly for class, and I've written a lot of news stories. I haven't had time to write creative prose. This blog may seem disjointed, probably because I'm out of practice, or because my thoughts are so disjointed.

--

What have I been thinking about lately? Sin.

I almost wrote a sin blog a few weeks ago, but I haven't found the time. Even now, even on fall break, I know I should write a lit. analysis or a four-page paper on Saladin instead of blogging--but I need to blog. I have to blog.

So. Sin.

I used to try to narrow all my petty sins back to a bigger, more internal sin. Usually I got it back to pride or selfishness. I think that's true.

What was Eve's sin? She took the fruit from the snake. How was that a sin? She disobeyed God. Why did she disobey God? She thought he was holding back something from her, something she needed. She was insecure. She was selfish.

What I hate about sin is how unavoidable it is. Christ says stuff like "things that cause people to sin are bound to come." You think you're clear of sin: things like lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, gossip? You get all haughty and proud. Good job: you just sinned.

I hate that God's standard for sin is so broad: "Whoever, then, knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." I should eat low fat yogurt instead of this chocolate chip cookie ... ah, what the hey. It's the weekend. Whoops, you just sinned.

I hate how sneaky sin is. Thrice (yes, the band Thrice) describes sin as a lion and a wolf. You try to keep the big sins out, but the little sins sneak in without noticing like a wolf in sheep's clothing. (Or, I think of Little Red Riding Hood.) Those little sins let the big sins in the door.

The wolf, he howls
The lion does roar
The wolf lets him in
The lion runs in through the door
The real fun begins
As they both rush upon you and
Rip open your flesh
The lion eats its fill and then
The wolf cleans up the mess


I hate how much God hates sin. George MacDonald said whatever comes between us and God must be destroyed with fire.

--

Here's my question, theologians, when you're stuck in sin, how do you get out? If you tell me that to be a Christian I must live a God-honoring, righteous, sin-less, "blameless" life, how do I stop sinning? Is it just my decision? Is it willpower? Is it God? Can the Holy Spirit stop me?

What if prayers aren't answered? What if the cycle of addiction never stops? What if I can't overcome, what if I let sin win, what if I have to give in, what if I'm tired of fighting, what if I no longer care?

You Calvinists say I'm fine.

You Armenians say I'm going to hell.

When will I remember that life is a series of troughs and peaks, summits and nadirs? When will I remember that my relationship with God, like all relationships, is in flux?

In Comm. Theory we talk about Relational Dialectics which states that truth: relationships are always in flux. There are times when everything seems to be perfect, this is called the "aesthetic moment." It never lasts. 

So my aesthetic moments with God are few and far between.

But we're okay.

(God, we're okay, right?)

--

At least there's hope.
Believe it or not: there is some.

"There's now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

And,

"But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end."




Ezekiel

Title Track: Shall steal no more

This wasn’t something I wanted to write about. In fact, as I sit here, there’s still that urge inside of me to let it go. To just let it go. …

But I can’t.

See, everyone has those certain “taboo topics” of discussion that they avoid at all possible. For most people, it’s religion, politics or abortion. For me, it’s music piracy. People talk about it way too much; we’re beating a dead horse.

Last July, however, my very favorite band, Thrice, finished recording their most recent album, planning to release it in October. By late July the album was leaked over the Internet. This crisis caused Thrice to release an electronic version of their album on iTunes in early August with the hardcopy available in September.

This frustrates me for two reasons. One, you don’t mess with my Thrice. I don’t care who you think you are – you do not, under any circumstances, steal from Thrice. (Heh, excuse this outburst, please.)

Secondly, Thrice didn’t release their album in July for a reason – they weren’t done with it. By hacking and leaking, you are stopping the artist from perfecting his masterpiece. It’s as if you read my column before my editors had a chance. Piracy not only literally robs the artist of the money he deserves for his creation; it robs him of the respect his fans should give him.

With that being said:

How many of us have burned CDs, mixed tracks or whole albums?

How many of us have filled flash drives with mp3s to share with our friends?

And how many of us “borrow” music from the library by renting CDs and downloading them to iTunes?

My friend Jacque is so adamantly opposed to any level of music sharing that she won’t even listen to a mixed CD.

My friend Todd got locked out of Huntington University’s Internet server for having downloaded too many albums, movies, TV series and computer games.

I want so desperately to find a happy medium where not only my wallet is full, but my conscience is clear as well. So I turn to the apostle Paul.

He’s the guy who said that “everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” I like this verse because it lets me justify bad behavior. As long as it doesn’t “master” me, all’s well.

But Paul is also the guy who said that “he who steals shall steal no longer.” So should the question become whether or not file-sharing is considered stealing? Or, to what extent does it become stealing?

I find myself wrestling with this a lot – what are we to do about the grey areas in the Bible? If something isn’t banned in the Ten Commandments or warned against by Jesus, Peter or Paul, does that make it permissible? Is it OK to cuss? Is it OK to watch R-rated movies (after IWU graduation, of course)?

And at the same time, is such behavior acting out of rebellion or as a way to connect with our unsaved brothers and sisters?

I assume this column will end with more questions than it started with. Because part of me knows that if music burning is really stealing, than I am guilty. But as a fallen human being, I so desire to find a loophole in the system, to find a way to justify my sinful nature.

For those of you who stay away from torrents and CD burners, I commend you. Honestly, I wish I could think more of the musician’s loss of money rather than how much money I’m saving. In time, I hope, I’ll get to that place.

The post was originally printed in Indiana Wesleyan University's The Sojourn newspaper.

on Grace

The final installment of my four-part blog series. Enjoy. ;-)

--

"Whether you believe that God created you for a purpose, or that the world is governed by blind chance, everything in life is a gift at its core; we are beggars all."

--

I'm not sure, would you say a foot of snow? Six inches at least. My boots only go up mid-calf, but I managed to stay dry as I stopped through those six-to-twelve inches of snow covering my neighborhood, its sidewalks, its lawns. I cut through the golf course. I imagine it's not very safe. Ponds disguise themselves in masks of white; I have to follow a path of twiggy trees to ensure right footing. (Cliche-and-a-half. Keep reading.)

God and I have at it again. This time we're spewing Bible verses like profanities. I'm not sure who's winning - I think it's me.

"What about this one: 'Get behind me, Satan!'"

"Oh, that's good. But what about, 'So my works be made manifest.'"

"Huh. Or, a little historical allusion: Martin Luther disobeyed his father by becoming a monk."

"Uh, so?"

"Well, wasn't it your will that he became a monk and started the Reformation?"

"[pause.] I'm not really sure. ..."

"Come on, Jesus, really."

(Some of that may have been fabricated.)

--

Grace.

From my first understanding of Grace (which took place, sadly, not too long ago) until now, I think I see Grace as something more tangible. It's what God did then. And it's what he keeps doing now when I keep living selfishly, sure.

But Grace is also something else.

I think this is Grace:

-When I have the urge to call a certain gentleman I'm upset with, I get a text or an email from a friend who's asking me how I'm doing. (Something like an intervention.)

-When I start worrying about affording gas the rest of the week, I get snowed in and get to preserve my gas.

-When I am groggy (and a little ditzy) with my InAsMuch clients this morning, they smile politely and ask me how I am doing.

-When I meet Jes at Old Crown and there aren't any seats, right as a get my coffee a table opens up.

--

A few posts ago I called Grace a hug. I think it is.

Grace is like when you spend the evening with a friend you might never see again, and after saying goodbye, he hugs you, a physical reminder of your time together.

Grace says, "You've had it tough. And frankly, girl, it might not get better right away, but it'll be okay." [hugs.]

--

"We're all bastards, but God loves us anyway."

--

I'm on the final few chapters of "What's So Amazing About Grace?" by Philip Yancey, who just may be my hero. It's helping me see the different facets of Grace.

The picture of Grace I've always clung to has been that of the beggar.

Thrice put out an album in late summer called "Beggars," and its title track has the most profound lyrics about how we're all beggars in this world, that everything is a gift, bestowed by Grace.

The first three verses ask a series of questions. To the "great men of power": do you have power over when you die? To the scientists and "rulers of men": can you control the spin of the earth? To the "big shots": did you choose where or when you'd be born?

And the song concludes:

Tell me what can you claim not a thing, not your name

Tell me if you can recall just one thing, not a gift, in this life

Can you hear what's been said?

Can you see now that everything's Grace, after all

If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all

I suppose the aroma of this metaphor isn't the greatest for most people. We don't want to be needy or appear needy. And frankly, we don't trust the needy.

We give into the illusion that we have control over our circumstances. Ha, no really. (I like where I'm going with this.) We like believing that our lives are in our own hands. Sometimes they are. But mostly, they aren't.

We are given very little guarantees in life. We can't choose the culture we're born into. We can't choose our parents. And until we graduate and become "adults," we don't even get to make decisions for ourselves. People make decisions for us. (Most of the time for our benefit, even.)

And so we get out into the real world and start taking control of our own lives, right? We choose our jobs ... or do they choose us? Not everyone who wants to work at the New York Times gets to.

This makes the whole "free will" argument so flimsy. Yeah, okay, God (or evolution) gives us the ability to choose the "right" or "wrong" path, but even so, does that really mean you get your way?

Too many variables. You're just a mist that appears for a little while. You're a grain of sand. You're just one out of six billion.

All this is to say Grace. Everything in life is a gift. The LORD gives and the LORD takes away. Ebb and flow. Tide in, tide out.

We are beggars all.

--

"In this world you will have trouble, but Lauren, I have overcome the world."

--

A conclusion.

This whole series has been built on a series of questions:

If I ignore God's revelation, does that nullify it?

What does it take to forgive the way Christ wants us to?

Does everything have to (metaphorically) die?

Do we have any claims in the world?

My great theory of this season has been: it's better to fight with God than to push him out. It's okay to doubt and have questions and to be angry - as long as you take it to God. He can handle your frustrations. (And he'd be delighted to address them.)

So keep asking questions.

And keep teaching me as well, friends.

with love and squalor,

Ezek.

Title Track: Everything is Spiritual

I never cry at songs. Sure, I sometimes cry during worship music, but I don’t think it is the lyrics or the melody that makes me cry. Jesus makes me cry – as a means of humbling me (not sadistically).

But while I first listened to Thrice’s song, “Beggars,” off of their album of the same name, my tear ducts began to fill and was just a stanza away from weeping.

This song – about how we have no claims in the world (not our name, not our possessions, not our job titles or careers) but must rely on the grace of God to give us purpose – knits the rest of Thrice’s album together. Grace. The world may be mad, as another song on the record screams, but there’s grace.

This got me thinking.

The title track of a CD is, by definition, the song that shares the same name as the album itself. Though I like to believe, and maybe you’ll agree with me, there’s more to it than that.

Some of my favorite albums of this year have title tracks like, “The Hazards of Love,” “Mean Everything to Nothing” and, as mentioned earlier, “Beggars." To say that the band decided to name the album off of the song, or vise versa, just for its name’s sake seems thoughtless. It’s a little lazy.

There must be more to it than that.

There’s a connectivity involved here. The band is saying, look (or listen, rather), there’s something I want you to get out of this album. I want you to catch a theme.

--

It took all summer to decide what I wanted this column to stand for. Because on the one hand, I want to entertain you, and even more, if I were to be honest with myself, I hope this column will convince you I’m cool, or at least entertainment savvy.

But on the other hand, I want to grow. I want to become a better writer and a better Christian and a better media-consumer through writing this. So after some prayer, and God’s humbling, I decided upon a theme for my column, a “title track,” if you will: everything is spiritual. I admit I stole the name from Rob Bell, but I really like the concept.

This is the belief that everything – what we do, what we say, what we watch, what we read, what we hear and what we think – has spiritual implications.

Spirituality is God’s title track. It’s his common denominator. He says that we must do everything to the glory of God and that every good and perfect gift is from him and that he is the creator of everything.

I invite you all to journey with me the rest of this school year as I grapple with the media and its messages – the good and the bad. I ask you to challenge my theories, and to give feedback. Yes, this is a learning process for me, but I want it to be the same for you.

This is a column about the media – about movies and about music and books and art – but more than that, it’s about how God is speaking to his people through the media. It’s about how even secular entertainment can teach us about our fallenness. I want you and me to learn how to look at the media with a knowledge of the Truth, discerning what media is “safe” to consume, and what to stay away from.

Maybe this is a lot to ask of a weekly column, maybe it isn’t. One thing I promise you, my dear audience, is that I will do my best to implement the 1 Corinthians 10 command to do everything to the glory of God, and to hold to the standard that everything – even the entertainment industry – has spiritual undertones.

The post was originally printed in Indiana Wesleyan University's The Sojourn newspaper.

empathy

It all started yesterday when I listened to the RELEVANT Podcast. I wasn't going to yet (I like saving it for a long drive or while cleaning my house), but my ole buddy Bryce told me that it was epic. So I did.

Well, I started listening, but when I heard that what was epic was also sad, I skipped to 46:05 minutes into it. To hear that Adam Smith is moving away. To New Zealand. (Who else can make the whaleshark voice like him?)

Now, flashback to May 2007 when Ash and I made RELEcakes for the crew... and I took a picture with my "favorite podcaster," Cameron. So why, do you ask, is Adam's departure so difficult for me? Especially since I've said goodbye to Tyler, Cara, and Jesse in years passed?

Empathy.

I don't empathize very well. In fact, I can muster up just enough sympathy for people to keep my distance while still looking pretty compassionate. But when it comes to empathy--the kind that Jesus shows us (Heb. 4:15)--I suck. I mean, I really do. I relate to Dustin Kensrue (ha, here I go) when he said,

“My personality is somewhat inward looking, and, therefore, I am somewhat selfish and self-centered by nature. I am not naturally a very empathetic person. I would have to say that my burden for broken people comes from the influence of Christ in my life, showing me how to love people like He loved them. I have a long way to go.” RELEVANT Magazine (I don't feel like looking up the issue... but Thrice is on the cover.)

So despite my usual tendency to NOT empathize, I was overwhelmed with concern for Adam's well-being. Again, kind of weird because I neither empathize NOR know Adam.

So, that night I couldn't sleep. This could partly have been due to my Grasshopper Shizzle (blended coffee drink, very tasty) I had 2 hours previous or the bouts of spiritual warfare I had been dealing with. But instead of settling on either explanation, I decided to lay there in bed and grapple.

I woke up early. My mind just kept pouring through random thoughts. What could I have possibly been thinking about for hours and hours on end? I have no idea. It was sickening.

So, this time (though in previous days I would have told myself to pray against the spiritual forces keeping me from sleep--as John Eldredge would suggest I do) I just got up and went on with my day. I told myself to "heed not thy feeling" and keep muhself busy. No thinking about random crap that'll stress me out or sadden me--whatever.

By mid-afternoon I was still feeling the same crappy way I felt the previous afternoon when I realized that Adam was heading adios. Uhm, I don't think that's empathy anymore.

I had a sort of "godly sorrow" there for a while, till Satan took advantage of it and kept those soul-heavy feelings remain.

"Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain. " Ps 127:1a

But, like all good and hardy DESPAIR, I started asking God some questions. Questions, I learned today, are good. We just might not get answers--deal with it.

And I realized as I was praying my questions, that they really all flowed from last afternoon. I mean, Adam Smith is directly linked to RELEVANT (hullo, podcaster/managing editor) which is directly linked to my future. Or, so I always thought.

I've been gung-ho about working for RELEVANT for over a year now and I have never seemed to question that I may not be good enough or passionate enough or whatever-enough to work there. Why have I never questioned that?

I think I have always just trusted that Thomas Friedman quote that said that the PASSIONATE people will get the jobs over the geeks. I'm passionate, I know that. But now I wonder if I'm passionate enough.

And, what if that doesn't matter?

And, what if I don't even like working there? I'll have spent years pursuing a dream that fails me.

And, what about college? What if my professors don't prepare me? What if they don't like me?

And, what if I never find true love?

And, (the scariest of all) What if God changes his mind about me? What if he doesn't want me to be Ezekiel or to change the world or to write and write and write or to be passionate or to be whoever I think I am supposed to be....

The questions kept coming. I know that I just need to trust God--there's no doubt about that. I know what it is to close my eyes and jump, and that's what I'm going to have to do. I don't like it, but if I am truly going to call Christ my Savior, I'm going to have to just go--go wherever he says to go.

If it's to RELEVANT, than that's where I'm supposed to be.

If not, then I pray he prepares me for somewhere else.





Ezek.



--

REASON NUMBER SEVEN WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER

Welp, my friend Austin always told me how he listened to Coldplay when he was depressed. Understandable. When I'm depressed I listen to the smooth sounds of The Alchemy Index (Vol. 2).

I remember after the overnight at the church for New Years, after one crappy night trying to sleep in a 20 below zero room, and having to wake up at 6 to go home because a snow storm was brewing, I listened to that disk. I listened to those 6 tracks over and over again until I felt good inside.

Then I went home and slept.

Jacob and Esau

Once upon a time there was a woman named Rebekah. God told her that she was pregnant with two nations, one that would rule over the other. So she gave birth to two boys: Esau first (who's name means HAIRY) and Jacob who latched onto Esau's heel (who's name means DECEIVER).

One day after a hunt, Esau came back famished--I mean, STARVING--while his brother Jacob was making some soup.

"Dude, I'm hungry. Can I have some of your soup?" Esau asked Jacob.

"If you sell me your birthright," replied Jacob.

"Well, I am going to die anyway if I don't get some soup.... what the hay!"

"Swear it?"

"I swear it."

"Sweeet."



A little while later, Daddy Isaac was dying and Esau was about to get his blessing (another right of the firstborn), so he went to hunt for some food for Pops.

Well, Rebekah must have liked Jacob better or something because she told her younger son to disguise himself in some goat hair to convince blind Isaac that he was Esau to get his blessing.

And Jacob was blessed.

Esau came home mad (and a little whiny). "Bless me too!"

"Welp," replied old Isaac, "your brother stole it. Sorry."

Esau mumbled, "He gets whatever he wants! It's not FAIR!"

"Welp, what can I do?" Isaac said.

"Don't you have another blessing? Like, a spare for a rainy day?"

"Uhm, how's this: 'You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother.'"

"Sucky." So Esau held a grudge against Jacob because he got whatever he wanted and no one seemed to care.



Years later, after Jacob had acquired two wives, his own flock of animals, a name change, and a blessing from God himself... he prepares to meet Esau.

Now, expecting to get killed by his grudging brother, he plans on giving him a pretty generous gift, to "pacify him."

Well, when Esau meets him in the road, he runs up and embraces Jacob. All is forgiven.

And everyone lived happily ever after? Right?

WRONG.

You know why? Because somewhere along the way--between Jacob's unfair blessings and Esau's unfair losses--God decides that he hates ole Hairy.

"I have loved you," says the LORD.
"But you ask, 'How have you loved us?'
"Was not Esau Jacob's brother?" the LORD says. "Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals." Malachi 1:1-3

This passage was then quoted in Romans. In the Septuagint (pastor Paul would be proud) a portion of the passage reads, "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated." Romans 9:13

And again in Hebrews: "See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son." Hebrews 12:16

I mean, it is pretty bad to sell your birthright (possessions, probably flocks of animals, etc.) for a bowl of soup. That is kind of dumb on ole Esau's behalf.

But GODLESS? Can you really say that? And what real reason did God have to HATE him?

It seems like there were some pretty awful people in the Bible that God could have easily said He hated, but Esau? Is this all about soup?



This kind of brings me back to the question of predestination vs. free will. God can choose who He wants to call and who He doesn't. He can choose who He wants to have mercy on and who He doesn't. (This is taken from Romans 9.)

I feel like this is why certain people go through harder trials than others. God puts us in a certain place for a reason (and I mean this in a fairly broad term: who are family is, our hometown--things we cannot choose). Why should I live in Autumn Ridge while a brother or sister in the faith live in the Chicago ghetto? Why are my friends' parents married while mine divorced?

God has given us the blessing of a good life (a nice home, food to eat, loving parents) so we can use them for His glory... the same way he would expect those without the such things to live for his glory as well.

We should be thankful for our "birthright"--our political freedom and suburban lifestyle--instead of selling it off. We should not forget that God is the one who put us in this setting. I feel like Esau's mistake was mishandling a gift rather than using it for its true purpose. It's so easy to do that.

How often to we spend our paychecks on crap--literally, like video games, DVDs we'll only watch once, midnight cravings for BWW (guilty!)--instead of tithing or doing something genuinely godly with it? Maybe Esau just wasn't a good steward.

So be thankful for what you've been blessed with.

And don't sell it off for a good bowl of soup.



__

REASON NUMBER 6 WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER

Unlike Esau, Thrice would not sell their souls for a bowl of soup. In fact, they are excellent stewards of their money. A portion of each CD they sell is given to an organization. The Alchemy Indexes sent money to Blood:Water Mission, Vheissu sent money to 826 Valencia (a nonproft educational organization), The Artist in the Ambulance sent money to the Syrenthia J. Savio Endowment (which provides chemotherapy to those who can't afford it), and I'm sure their other CDs sent money as well... but I don't own them to know.

They are sick, They are poor
and they die by the thousands and we look away
They are wolves at the door
they are not going to move us or get in our way

Cause we don't have the time
Here at the top of the world
Yeah we're doin just fine
Here at the top of the world

We hold our own by keeping our hearts cold

Different god, darker skin
They are just not a burden that we like to bear
They are living in sin
Just throw out any reason for us not to care

Cause we're feeling alright

Here at the top of the world
Yeah we're doin just fine
Here at the top of the world

We've learned that money matters most
So we keep our cards held close
Here at the top of the world

The Lion and the Wolf.

I feel like we should start out with a verse: "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed." James 1:13f

Let's get our brains workin' today people.

Pretend Satan and Temptation are two separate entities. Two living vessels. Picturing it? Good. This is how I view sin (metaphorically speaking I guess. Hang in there with me).

Say you're a good, hardy Christian guy. You are pretty sure if Satan told you to drop everything and have sex with your sixteen-year-old girlfriend (mind you, you're eighteen, not a pedophile) you would not. Of course, you recognized that to be Satan. (Whether it be through a thought running through your mind or a friend egging you on. Either way, you know it's wrong because that's what ye old Bible says.)

Well,

Temptation works like this. It's a lot like a wolf in sheep's clothing. It sneaks its way into your life. It's not like blatent ole Satan who comes a-knockin'--NO....

It starts with the desire to, say, watch a raunchy movie. I mean, nothing like HORRIBLE, but say an R-rated movie with lots of innuendos in it (and you're a guy and you get your kicks from all that. Ha, I'm stereotyping). Then your old pal Johnny watches some softcore porn online. Oh then that hardcore. I mean, ya can't get enough. Then you get a girlfriend and, well, you start expecting stuff from her... stuff you viewed in those pictures and vids online.

Imagine a downward spiral.

And yourself plummeting through.

Now that original temptation from Satan (the one you thought was CRAZY) isn't such a big deal anymore. I call this the progression of sin. Pre-marital sex may have seemed like a big no-no back then, but now not so much. Not only that entity of Temptation ceased you, but also the entity of Satan.

And that's a problem. A lot bigger one than letting the wolf in the door.



We gotta be careful. Far too many of us have let the wolf in (not recognizing its fangs under its fluffy sheep costume) and left the door open for Satan to peek his way in. Keep your eyes open.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. " I Peter 3:8 tNIV



---

REASON NUMBER FIVE (5) WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER.

Just read the blog. I learned all that from a Thrice song. (Note the title.)

___
The lion's outside of your door, the wolf's in your bed.
The lion's claws are sharpened for war the wolf's teeth are red.
What a monstrous sight he makes mocking man's best friend.
But both the wolf and lion crave the same thing in the end.
The lion's outside of your door, the wolf's in your bed.

The wolf he howls, the lion does roar, the wolf lets him in.
The lion runs in through the door, the real fun begins.
As they both rush upon you and rip open your flesh.
The lion eats his fill and then the wolf cleans up the mess.
The lion's outside of your door, the wolf's in your bed.

experiencing God

so hold on
hold tight
open daylight
we will overcome

so put away your fear
a morning star will soon appear
and bring an end
to this dark night

This is how I worship God.

My friend Amanda and I were talking about how people experience God differently. For her, she senses His presence when she's talking to people about God (when she's being a "little Christ") and when she's having a strong emotional experience. As for me, neither of those two things make me feel close in God's presence.

I experience God through the music, written word, and logic.

If you've seen the movie MUSIC AND LYRICS, you'd know that the hero (a washed-up popstar) and the heroine (a woman with an incredible vocabulary) join forces to write a number one song. Well, at one point the two have this conversation about what makes a song a song. The hero said the music. The heroine said the lyrics.

I love lyrics. I love the depth an artist can reach just through rhetoric.

When I hear a song that describes God in a way I had never imagined (i.e. 2 of the 3 reasons why Thrice is the best band has to do with their lyrics) I feel Him awakening a part of me.

And sometimes--though not nearly as frequently--I feel God in the melody of a song. The main theme to my favorite movie THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS is soul-stirring for me. Whenever I hear it I want to drop everything and run through a forest in a flowing dress.

I can feel something in me stir. I think that's God.

And logic. I find God through organization. Like my dad, I like color-coding, making lists, and having a plan. That's me. God woos me through this (it's kind of a long story, but I'm always willing to share).



So my point of all this is (I know this came way too late) to find how you experience God--and revel in it just a bit. Not to the point of putting that song, word, or list in front of God, but learn how to worship God through them. God stirs your heart when you hear that song or see that sunset or talk to that person FOR A REASON.

Thank Him for it.



---

REASON NUMBER 4 WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER.

Read blog above. Take note of quote in italics.

who's to blame?

It's 4:00 in the morning.

I went to bed at 11:00, watched a little Colbert at Hulu.com until 11:30, then tried to go to sleep. It didn't work. My stomach had been acting funny (hmm could've been that coney dog I had...) and my muscles ached from the shots I got on Wednesday. I sprawled out on my bed hot and sweaty, too weak to turn on the fan, though once I did I got cold again.

Pause.

I've been reading a book by John Eldredge, his latest, called Walking with God. I used to be a pretty hardcore Eldredge fan. (I even befriended his oldest son on Myspace.) Anyway, Eldredge's focus is on learning how to talk with God and be in a right relationship with Him. He talks about spiritual warfare and the effects it has on our walk with God.



So after my fifth trip to the bathroom, I collapsed back onto my bed and asked myself, WWJED? (What would John Eldredge do?) He would pray against Satan because he was stealing my joy. He was keeping me from enjoying a nice night sleep, from rest after a busy Thursday.

Well, I prayed, God I feel like crap. Please don't let Satan steal my joy. Amen.

And after that prayer I felt ridiculous. I thought about all the reasons why I was sick: food poisoning, touch of the flu, malnutrition, etc. Can I put Satan on the list as well?

I feel like there are two camps, either you believe Satan is directly causing all pain and suffering going on in your life OR you believe in rational explanation for everything. (Sure there are shades of grey, like everything in life, but what's fun about debating that?)

There's some legitimacy in both arguments, I believe. I mean, the Bible does state that Satan "prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour" (I Peter 5:8 ) and that Satan "masquerades as an angel of light" (II Corinthians 11:14) to deceive us. Jesus even calls Satan "the thief" (John 10).

And I understand that in a lot of circumstances Satan is to blame, that he is the one presenting temptations before us.

But, with that camp I think there is some misdirection. I think of Eldredge's emphasis on spiritual warfare--that constant blaming of Satan for everything going wrong--keeps him from owning up to some stuff. It's almost like prosperity preaching: If I pray against Satan in every area of my life, then everything will be perfect. Rather than: My decisions caused this or that to happen, and my selfishness is to blame.

Perhaps, once again, this is just my self-righteousness getting the best of me, but it seems like God does discipline us and really wants some bad things to happen to us--because that's how we learn to trust Him.

I'm just giving this some thought. We all have a tendency to cling to whatever is easiest in life (which in this case would be to blame Satan), but I don't think that discredits the theory for sure one way or another.



---

[Serious part complete.]

---

REASONS NUMBER 2 AND 3 WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER. (Because I forgot to post a reason after my last blog.)



2. THE BAND MEMBERS' FAITH IN GOD IS THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC ON THE BLOGOSPHERE.

Okay, maybe not the MOST controversial, but pretty close. Here's the thing: Thrice is NOT a Christian band. If you call them a Christian band people will stab you with knives. Seriously. They will. HOWEVER, lead singer Dustin Kensrue (who writes all their music) is a Christian. A very thoughtful one, at that. And he brings in some of the blatantly "Christian" themes into their music. Like, hullo, COME ALL YOU WEARY is a song taken DIRECTLY from scripture. Along with DUST OF NATIONS, MOVING MOUNTAINS, and a good 3/4 of all their music. And then they have blatantly "Not-So-Christian" songs like Silhouette. (Lyrics read: "Your eyes slit the throat of all I know about myself and this life...") Hmm. Or how about this: "hells black wings did i over perch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold me out and now you all DIE" (The Red Death). Oh yeah, I want to sing THAT on a Sunday morning... not.

But honestly, it gets pretty heated in ye old blogosphere concerning all this. Here's a taste of what the bloggers have to say about The Red Death (which has those really not-so-Christian lyrics):

Belsambar: man... i have always associated the term 'christian rock' with 'annoying rock'.... i have only recently discovered thrice, and i have been completely, 100 percent impressed.

Alcoholic Panda: I hate to burst your bubble, bud, but thrice isn't a christian band. Check their site. It plainly states in their faq that they infact are NOT a christian band. All the some though, they kick a**. :)

SaveJake: Hate to burst your bubble, but while Thrice is not a christian band (proclaims the name of Christ in the music), The writer of the lyrics, Dustin, IS a huge follower, and his struggles with it are dealt in the lyrics. What makes it not Christian rock is the fact that it's just part of his life, and he deals with his life with lyrics, instead of using the music as a way of worship

HolkeyeSF: Who cares. Music is music. Thrice is awesome. If christians want to think of the lyrics in that sense, then why not let them?

Deadbolt: hate to burst all of your bubbles but here is where we discuss the red Death not christianity...SHUT UP WITH THE GOD S***!!! nobody care if they are a christian band (which they arent) so lets discuss the lyrics here not the stupid fact about if thirce is a christian band.

Duffmyster99: every freaking posts that are on thrice....are its a christian band..no its not check their website..blah blah blah.who cares!!

Xfromyourhandx: hate to burst your bubble(s) but you all need lives.. THEY ARE NOT A FREAKING CHRISTIAN BAND NOW STOP POSTING 20 SOMETHING POSTS ON IT

And that's just one of their songs... just read what they have to say about those songs that they COULD play on Star 88.3. Ooh I love drama.



3. THRICE WROTE A SONG CALLED "SILVER WINGS," WHICH IS THE BEST SONG EVER.

I believe my first reason as to why Thrice is the best band ever talked about the song CHILD OF DUST which is written as a Shakespearean sonnet and is about man's use of the earth's resources and is mirrored with the Prodigal Son story in Luke. Well, SILVER WINGS is even better. This is why.

First of all, how often do you compare Christ with air? Well, never. EXACTLY. SILVER WINGS is the sonnet on the Air EP of the Alchemy Index which juxtaposes Christ with Air. Not only is this a unique comparison, the song fully embodies the analogy. Of the four sonnets on the Alchemy Index, Air and Fire do the best job sounding like the element they are. SILVER WINGS sounds like air would sound like if it had a voice. And, most importantly, the lyrics are gold.

From tender years you took me for granted
(But still I deigned to wander through your lungs)
While you were sleeping soundly in your bed
(Your drapes were silver wings, your shutters flung)

I drew the poison from the summer's sting
(And eased the fire out of your fevered skin)
I moved in you and stirred your soul to sing
(And if you'd let me I would move again)

I've danced 'tween sunlit stands of lover's hair
(And formed the final words before you death)
I pitied you and plied your sails with air
(Gave blessing when you rose upon my breath)

And after all of this, I am amazed
That I am cursed far more than I am praised

A rant. Please enjoy.

The book I have to read for my TUFW online class tells me that I need to consistantly write/blog in order to develop a discipline. And so that is what I am doing. I hope that excites you. ;-)



Today I spent time reading fine poetry. No wait, I was listening to Thrice. Oh... same thing.

I know I lost about half my readership right then because for some reason no one seems to share the same love(/obsession) with Thrice as I have. But anyway, let's forget our prejudice and listen to Auntie Lauren for a little bit.

Wow, I think I lost the other half of my readers.

Anyway, I was reading my fine poetry when I realized that HEY! this song by Thrice is formatted like a Shakespearean sonnet. It turns out that saying that music is just poetry put to a melody was correct about Thrice anyway.

It turns out Thrice has 4 songs written in this format. All four are the final songs on the Alchemy Index EPs. If you knew that already, good job.

-- START RANT --

So these four sonnets also have something ELSE special about them. They all are written in the point of view of one of the four elements: earth, air, fire, water.

And not only that, all the elements can be juxtaposed with Christ Himself. (But WAIT if you call now...!)

I mean, comparing Christ to FIRE kind of makes sense (think, consuming fire and all that). And comparing Him to WATER kind of makes sense as well (living water n' all that). But EARTH and AIR? What kind of crazy world is this?!

Uhm, it's a Thrice world and we are mere listeners and fans.

-- END RANT --

So for those of you who still disagree with me that Thrice is not the best band ever, I have decided to start an ongoing project called: PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER. (Creative name, huh?) Which means this: After every blog I write (unless it's so serious that it'd totally kill the mood) I will list one of my reasons. I know, you're excited. It's called freedom of speech, my lovelies. You must deal with it.

So to begin, I will start with reason number 1:



REASON NUMBER ONE WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER (7/16/08):

Thrice wrote a song called CHILD OF DUST which not only is written as a classic Shakespearean sonnet, but it takes a nice spin on the Prodigal Son story found in Luke 15. The song is in the point of view of EARTH calling mankind her "prodigal" who has taken advantage of EARTH's beauty and destroyed it for his own gain. But instead of the Biblical repentance-redemption story, EARTH lets mankind pay for their mistakes. ("A child of dust to mother now return/ for every seed must die before it grows / and though above the world may toil and turn / no prying spade will find you here below") EARTH let's her child die because she believes that may be the only way her prodigal learns. It's not a story of hope, but one of justice. (And I think it's beautiful. Kudos, DK, kudos.)



Dear prodigal, you are my son and I
Supplied you not your spirit, but your shape.
All Eden's weath arrayed before your eyes;
I fathomed not you wanted to escape.

And though I only ever gave you love,
like every child you’ve chosen to rebel;
uprooted flowers and filled the holes with blood;
ask for not whom they toll the solemn bells.

A child of dust to mother now return;
for every seed must die before it grows.
and though above the world may toil and turn,
no prying spade will find you here below.

Now safe beneath their wisdom and their feet,
Here i will teach you truly how to sleep.

MORE community stuff. [this stuff keeps coming!]

Okay, so last blog I talked about more of the socio-structure of the Christian Community. But, as Paul pointed out, I forgot to mention the impetus behind the Community in Acts 2: LOVE. Because, in the words of Dustin Kensrue... (who took them from the Apostle Paul). And moving mountains ain't no thing to me; I've faith enough to cast them to the sea, but I don't know the first thing about Love. But all other things shall fade away; while Love stands alone and still holds sway.



BUT, I'm not going to discuss the Love factor in Community yet. WHAT?! No, really, I'm not. I cannot yet. I'm writing based on what I'm learning via God and the books I'm reading and the experiences I'm enduring. I haven't met that lesson yet. It's coming though.



Today I'm going to talk about the fiscal obligations of a community.



Part 2: Christianity is not capitalistic.



SIDENOTE: In yesterday's blog I used to Acts 2 passage about people giving to each other as they had need (Acts 2:44). Today I'm going to use that same passage.



I have a pretty legitimate fear. When I grow up, I am afraid that I am going to be a workaholic- capitalistic-guru. I am afraid I'm going to be like the antagonist in the song "Man in the 3k Suit" by Jonezetta, or "The Ghost of Corporate Future" by Regina Spektor, or "American Dream" by Casting Crowns...etc. I think that I am going to have a lot of money and invest it to get even more money. I will be one happy rich girl.



Now, I only say that because I know how I am with money. Frankly, I am kind of good with it. Not perfect by any means (hence my fear) but I am decent for a newly employed eighteen-year-old. I save 15%, tithe/donate 10%, and though sometimes I spend the majority of my paycheck on one fun trip to the mall, I always have a good pot of money brewing in my checking account. I like my system; my mom has taught me well.



BUT. Okay, what if I continue to do that the rest of my life, maybe invest in some mutual bonds or some stock, get a well paying job as an editor, and live a happy life as a consumer.



THROUGH THE EYES OF MY ECON TEACHER: Mr. Adams would say I did a great thing. Rich people get rich not from spending all their money, but being smart with it. If I am smart with it, I will be well-off financially.



But, I don't think that I am supposed to live like that. Yes, I know we need rich people in the world, um, to invest in important causes (cancer research, eco-friendly products, etc.) but I don't know if that is always true. At least not for Christians.



We were called to be set apart as people of God-the Church. The early church was not all about spending all their money on new iPods or investing in the Walmart stock. They gave their money. Think of Ananias and Sapphira. And where in the Gospels is Jesus seen as having money? Never. (But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, "You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax." They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, "Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?") That was not his money; nor was it his money found in the fish that Peter caught.



Think the Old Testament now: Every seven years all debts were cancelled (if you were an Israelite, that is). Tah-dah! AND every seven years people were to let their fields die. Not to mention, in Malachi God tells his people to tithe 10 percent.



Don Miller describes his duty as a Christian Consumer as having to "let the fields die." Though he is a best selling author and speaker, he doesn't take any money for his books-none. The guy could be as rich as Joel Osteen if he did (bah-dah-tsh!), but he understands the importance of Not Getting Addicted to Money.



Where did I get ADDICTION from all of that?



How easy is it to NOT think about money when you have tons of it, spend tons of it, and invest tons of it? It's hard.



And here's my dilemma... Does God want me to have money when I grow up? I mean, more than just enough to survive.



I bet all of you, 100% of my audience, thinks that I should be smart with my money and make sure I have some when I grow up. You would have to think that, because it's the way all of you live. You have a computer, right? If you have a computer that's a pretty good indicator you have money-unless you're at a library.



Anyway, I guess I only have half of an argument here so please, don't comment this note and call me a crazy fool.



I only know what it's like to have money. Sure, I only get $6.50 an hour, but I always have my mommy to provide me with what I need. Am I addicted to money? Maybe. I mean, I love buying clothes, I love buying new electronics. I have surrendered to the emperor, I guess. (So to speak.)



More on this later. Make this part one of part two.





Lauren