experiencing God

so hold on
hold tight
open daylight
we will overcome

so put away your fear
a morning star will soon appear
and bring an end
to this dark night

This is how I worship God.

My friend Amanda and I were talking about how people experience God differently. For her, she senses His presence when she's talking to people about God (when she's being a "little Christ") and when she's having a strong emotional experience. As for me, neither of those two things make me feel close in God's presence.

I experience God through the music, written word, and logic.

If you've seen the movie MUSIC AND LYRICS, you'd know that the hero (a washed-up popstar) and the heroine (a woman with an incredible vocabulary) join forces to write a number one song. Well, at one point the two have this conversation about what makes a song a song. The hero said the music. The heroine said the lyrics.

I love lyrics. I love the depth an artist can reach just through rhetoric.

When I hear a song that describes God in a way I had never imagined (i.e. 2 of the 3 reasons why Thrice is the best band has to do with their lyrics) I feel Him awakening a part of me.

And sometimes--though not nearly as frequently--I feel God in the melody of a song. The main theme to my favorite movie THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS is soul-stirring for me. Whenever I hear it I want to drop everything and run through a forest in a flowing dress.

I can feel something in me stir. I think that's God.

And logic. I find God through organization. Like my dad, I like color-coding, making lists, and having a plan. That's me. God woos me through this (it's kind of a long story, but I'm always willing to share).



So my point of all this is (I know this came way too late) to find how you experience God--and revel in it just a bit. Not to the point of putting that song, word, or list in front of God, but learn how to worship God through them. God stirs your heart when you hear that song or see that sunset or talk to that person FOR A REASON.

Thank Him for it.



---

REASON NUMBER 4 WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER.

Read blog above. Take note of quote in italics.

who's to blame?

It's 4:00 in the morning.

I went to bed at 11:00, watched a little Colbert at Hulu.com until 11:30, then tried to go to sleep. It didn't work. My stomach had been acting funny (hmm could've been that coney dog I had...) and my muscles ached from the shots I got on Wednesday. I sprawled out on my bed hot and sweaty, too weak to turn on the fan, though once I did I got cold again.

Pause.

I've been reading a book by John Eldredge, his latest, called Walking with God. I used to be a pretty hardcore Eldredge fan. (I even befriended his oldest son on Myspace.) Anyway, Eldredge's focus is on learning how to talk with God and be in a right relationship with Him. He talks about spiritual warfare and the effects it has on our walk with God.



So after my fifth trip to the bathroom, I collapsed back onto my bed and asked myself, WWJED? (What would John Eldredge do?) He would pray against Satan because he was stealing my joy. He was keeping me from enjoying a nice night sleep, from rest after a busy Thursday.

Well, I prayed, God I feel like crap. Please don't let Satan steal my joy. Amen.

And after that prayer I felt ridiculous. I thought about all the reasons why I was sick: food poisoning, touch of the flu, malnutrition, etc. Can I put Satan on the list as well?

I feel like there are two camps, either you believe Satan is directly causing all pain and suffering going on in your life OR you believe in rational explanation for everything. (Sure there are shades of grey, like everything in life, but what's fun about debating that?)

There's some legitimacy in both arguments, I believe. I mean, the Bible does state that Satan "prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour" (I Peter 5:8 ) and that Satan "masquerades as an angel of light" (II Corinthians 11:14) to deceive us. Jesus even calls Satan "the thief" (John 10).

And I understand that in a lot of circumstances Satan is to blame, that he is the one presenting temptations before us.

But, with that camp I think there is some misdirection. I think of Eldredge's emphasis on spiritual warfare--that constant blaming of Satan for everything going wrong--keeps him from owning up to some stuff. It's almost like prosperity preaching: If I pray against Satan in every area of my life, then everything will be perfect. Rather than: My decisions caused this or that to happen, and my selfishness is to blame.

Perhaps, once again, this is just my self-righteousness getting the best of me, but it seems like God does discipline us and really wants some bad things to happen to us--because that's how we learn to trust Him.

I'm just giving this some thought. We all have a tendency to cling to whatever is easiest in life (which in this case would be to blame Satan), but I don't think that discredits the theory for sure one way or another.



---

[Serious part complete.]

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REASONS NUMBER 2 AND 3 WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER. (Because I forgot to post a reason after my last blog.)



2. THE BAND MEMBERS' FAITH IN GOD IS THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC ON THE BLOGOSPHERE.

Okay, maybe not the MOST controversial, but pretty close. Here's the thing: Thrice is NOT a Christian band. If you call them a Christian band people will stab you with knives. Seriously. They will. HOWEVER, lead singer Dustin Kensrue (who writes all their music) is a Christian. A very thoughtful one, at that. And he brings in some of the blatantly "Christian" themes into their music. Like, hullo, COME ALL YOU WEARY is a song taken DIRECTLY from scripture. Along with DUST OF NATIONS, MOVING MOUNTAINS, and a good 3/4 of all their music. And then they have blatantly "Not-So-Christian" songs like Silhouette. (Lyrics read: "Your eyes slit the throat of all I know about myself and this life...") Hmm. Or how about this: "hells black wings did i over perch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold me out and now you all DIE" (The Red Death). Oh yeah, I want to sing THAT on a Sunday morning... not.

But honestly, it gets pretty heated in ye old blogosphere concerning all this. Here's a taste of what the bloggers have to say about The Red Death (which has those really not-so-Christian lyrics):

Belsambar: man... i have always associated the term 'christian rock' with 'annoying rock'.... i have only recently discovered thrice, and i have been completely, 100 percent impressed.

Alcoholic Panda: I hate to burst your bubble, bud, but thrice isn't a christian band. Check their site. It plainly states in their faq that they infact are NOT a christian band. All the some though, they kick a**. :)

SaveJake: Hate to burst your bubble, but while Thrice is not a christian band (proclaims the name of Christ in the music), The writer of the lyrics, Dustin, IS a huge follower, and his struggles with it are dealt in the lyrics. What makes it not Christian rock is the fact that it's just part of his life, and he deals with his life with lyrics, instead of using the music as a way of worship

HolkeyeSF: Who cares. Music is music. Thrice is awesome. If christians want to think of the lyrics in that sense, then why not let them?

Deadbolt: hate to burst all of your bubbles but here is where we discuss the red Death not christianity...SHUT UP WITH THE GOD S***!!! nobody care if they are a christian band (which they arent) so lets discuss the lyrics here not the stupid fact about if thirce is a christian band.

Duffmyster99: every freaking posts that are on thrice....are its a christian band..no its not check their website..blah blah blah.who cares!!

Xfromyourhandx: hate to burst your bubble(s) but you all need lives.. THEY ARE NOT A FREAKING CHRISTIAN BAND NOW STOP POSTING 20 SOMETHING POSTS ON IT

And that's just one of their songs... just read what they have to say about those songs that they COULD play on Star 88.3. Ooh I love drama.



3. THRICE WROTE A SONG CALLED "SILVER WINGS," WHICH IS THE BEST SONG EVER.

I believe my first reason as to why Thrice is the best band ever talked about the song CHILD OF DUST which is written as a Shakespearean sonnet and is about man's use of the earth's resources and is mirrored with the Prodigal Son story in Luke. Well, SILVER WINGS is even better. This is why.

First of all, how often do you compare Christ with air? Well, never. EXACTLY. SILVER WINGS is the sonnet on the Air EP of the Alchemy Index which juxtaposes Christ with Air. Not only is this a unique comparison, the song fully embodies the analogy. Of the four sonnets on the Alchemy Index, Air and Fire do the best job sounding like the element they are. SILVER WINGS sounds like air would sound like if it had a voice. And, most importantly, the lyrics are gold.

From tender years you took me for granted
(But still I deigned to wander through your lungs)
While you were sleeping soundly in your bed
(Your drapes were silver wings, your shutters flung)

I drew the poison from the summer's sting
(And eased the fire out of your fevered skin)
I moved in you and stirred your soul to sing
(And if you'd let me I would move again)

I've danced 'tween sunlit stands of lover's hair
(And formed the final words before you death)
I pitied you and plied your sails with air
(Gave blessing when you rose upon my breath)

And after all of this, I am amazed
That I am cursed far more than I am praised

Honor thy (grand)mother and (grand)father.

Again, totally not in the mood to write. Even if I wanted to write, I should work on my online class or trying to get something published, not wasting my time (and yours) blogging about nothing interesting. Sigh. But I'll do it anyway.

I was reading in I Timothy today and there's a lovely verse about taking care of the elderly. Yes, taking care of old fogies. Apparently it's a pretty big deal (or it was back in the day) to take care of your relatives, especially those unable to take care of themselves.

"Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. . . . If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." I Timothy 5:3-8 (emphasis mine)



Now, I love my mom but today more than ever I realized how much I cannot live the rest of my life with her. I just can't! I love when we can sit around watching TV or eat lunch together, but that's about all of Mom I can handle.

Turns out we have a little unspoken deal. When I am a kid (and hopefully when I'm a poor college student) my mom will provide for me. If I need food, she'll make sure I get it. If I need snow boots, well, off to JC Penny's we go! That's in her Mommy Job Description.

But when I'm an adult and she's near dymensia, it's my duty to take care of her. (You know, throw her into a nursing home and all that.)

They cycle is thus complete.

But I wonder if that's what we're supposed to do. I mean, what kind of culture do we live in that we throw our elders into a sterile brick building with other fogies like themselves? Back in the day grandparents lived with their kids until their deathbed--and somehow everyone got along okay.

I'm not speaking out of experience because I don't have any grandparents, nor do I plan on letting my mom live with my husband and me. But it still has me thinking.

Do we honor our elders? Do we discredit them because they're not on the up-and-up with culture?



Ezek.

A rant. Please enjoy.

The book I have to read for my TUFW online class tells me that I need to consistantly write/blog in order to develop a discipline. And so that is what I am doing. I hope that excites you. ;-)



Today I spent time reading fine poetry. No wait, I was listening to Thrice. Oh... same thing.

I know I lost about half my readership right then because for some reason no one seems to share the same love(/obsession) with Thrice as I have. But anyway, let's forget our prejudice and listen to Auntie Lauren for a little bit.

Wow, I think I lost the other half of my readers.

Anyway, I was reading my fine poetry when I realized that HEY! this song by Thrice is formatted like a Shakespearean sonnet. It turns out that saying that music is just poetry put to a melody was correct about Thrice anyway.

It turns out Thrice has 4 songs written in this format. All four are the final songs on the Alchemy Index EPs. If you knew that already, good job.

-- START RANT --

So these four sonnets also have something ELSE special about them. They all are written in the point of view of one of the four elements: earth, air, fire, water.

And not only that, all the elements can be juxtaposed with Christ Himself. (But WAIT if you call now...!)

I mean, comparing Christ to FIRE kind of makes sense (think, consuming fire and all that). And comparing Him to WATER kind of makes sense as well (living water n' all that). But EARTH and AIR? What kind of crazy world is this?!

Uhm, it's a Thrice world and we are mere listeners and fans.

-- END RANT --

So for those of you who still disagree with me that Thrice is not the best band ever, I have decided to start an ongoing project called: PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER. (Creative name, huh?) Which means this: After every blog I write (unless it's so serious that it'd totally kill the mood) I will list one of my reasons. I know, you're excited. It's called freedom of speech, my lovelies. You must deal with it.

So to begin, I will start with reason number 1:



REASON NUMBER ONE WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER (7/16/08):

Thrice wrote a song called CHILD OF DUST which not only is written as a classic Shakespearean sonnet, but it takes a nice spin on the Prodigal Son story found in Luke 15. The song is in the point of view of EARTH calling mankind her "prodigal" who has taken advantage of EARTH's beauty and destroyed it for his own gain. But instead of the Biblical repentance-redemption story, EARTH lets mankind pay for their mistakes. ("A child of dust to mother now return/ for every seed must die before it grows / and though above the world may toil and turn / no prying spade will find you here below") EARTH let's her child die because she believes that may be the only way her prodigal learns. It's not a story of hope, but one of justice. (And I think it's beautiful. Kudos, DK, kudos.)



Dear prodigal, you are my son and I
Supplied you not your spirit, but your shape.
All Eden's weath arrayed before your eyes;
I fathomed not you wanted to escape.

And though I only ever gave you love,
like every child you’ve chosen to rebel;
uprooted flowers and filled the holes with blood;
ask for not whom they toll the solemn bells.

A child of dust to mother now return;
for every seed must die before it grows.
and though above the world may toil and turn,
no prying spade will find you here below.

Now safe beneath their wisdom and their feet,
Here i will teach you truly how to sleep.

Lauren+Reading too much=Random Blogs

A freelancer (as I am, www.meatloafdesign.com) is a lot like a Geisha. Now, I don't mean that freelancers entertain Japanese businessmen or give away their mizuage to the highest bidder (thank the Lord for that one), BUT we have other similar qualities. And, in light of rereading Memoirs of a Geisha (again) and loving it just as much as before (would the Chairman care for more sake?) I will entertain you with my comparisons. Enjoy.



1. Freelancers, like Geisha, must make friends wherever they go. A geisha is to be polite and courteous wherever she entertains because a favor may be needed by a tea house mistress or... of course, you want to make a good impression on a man. Men=gold for geisha. Anyway, freelancers must make friends wherever they go as well (turns out people=gold for freelancers. If you don't have any clients you remain broke.)

2. Freelancers must dress for success. Geisha's have really elaborate outfits: a decorative kimono, obi, perhaps hairpins and ribbon. Freelancers must dress professional for their clients as well. Sure there is no "dress code" for a freelancer (because their jobs are rather nomadic) but it's always nice to make a good impression. As mentioned in number 1.

3. Freelancers must always honor their clients as kings and queens. A geisha must always bow and show interest to her client. It's her job, really. A freelancer must do the same. When their client asks for a hideous font to grace their website, the freelancer must use it. (Dang it, I know.)



I probably could continue, but this is just making me want to read the dang book again. Gosh, I need to get a life. OR rent the movie.





Lauren-san

Refine hate and love, fall afresh on me. End this crisis of identity.

It turns out I don't know who I am. I thought I knew; I thought I had everything figured out. I was wrong.



Amanda and I were talking about identity, how college is the time where you find yours. I guess that makes sense. That is, after all, what everyone had told me.

Amanda (God bless her...) had one of her "realizations" last night when we were talking. She said that when you put your identity in other people rather than Christ, you're more likely to blame them when you get hurt.

This week (and really this whole summer) I've been wrestling and I haven't been sure quite why. I've been in a spiritual trough, but those have never bummed me out to this extreme (because I trust in the temporary state of the season). I think it's because I don't know who I am.

It turns out I have been looking for my identity in everyone and everything but Christ. I've looked for it in my friends. And, already, I have begun looking for it in my future career.

I know who God has called me to be (what to do with my life), but that only tells me about what I am going to do, not who I am. So I'm going to find out.

I want to go to Tinker Creek to find out, but that's not exactly realistic. I don't live in Virginia. And I hate camping. Hmm.

Anyway, I think college will do my some good (ha, who would've thought?). In the meantime there's a thing called prayer and a thing called journaling. I shall see where that gets me.





Ezek.



This is my voice, all shadows stayed this is my heart, upon the altar laid
Please take all else away, hear my cry, I beg, I plead, I pray
I'll walk into the flame, a calculated risk to further bless your name
So strike me deep and true, and in your strength I will live and die both unto you.

Jesus People USA.

It's been a few days... it's time to recap the missions trip.



My youth group went to Chicago, Illinois where we worked with Jesus People USA, a community of Christians that live out the infamous Acts 2 example of Church. While most of the JPUSAs were putting on Cornerstone Music Festival (the Woodstock of the Christian world), our team held down their fort.

Our jobs: Cooking for the remaining JPUSAs, working at their homeless shelter, serving their senior citizens, cleaning their main building, and, of course, showing people the light of Jesus through our actions.

Honestly, it was one of those missions trips that the focus remained on the service rather than the outreach. And after talking to my friend Amber, I realized that these are probably the best kind of missions trips (short term anyway). We get to show God's love which will make a greater impact than simply befriending people for a week then leaving them.

And so that's what we did. And truly, it was though that service mindset that we BUILT relationship and potentially CHANGED lives.

On the last night we stayed at JPUSA, we had planned a game night with the seniors. Only a few showed up (sad, sad) so my friends and I just played a rousing game of Pictionary by ourselves. Well, then there's this nice man named Jim (who wasn't really that old, but have Elephantiasis) asked if someone would like to play a game with him. Well, sure. That was why we were there.

Carlee, Nathan, and I played Hearts with him. It was amazing. We just had fun, laughed, made small talk, etc. I didn't think much of it. I didn't feel like I was working or trying to proselytize.

The next day at breakfast Carlee, Nathan, and I got a card from Jim thanking us for playing cards with him. Just a game of cards. (That I nearly lost both hands of.)

Before we left Chicago he told Sarah to thank us for treating him like he was normal. Normal.

I find that ironic. Playing cards with someone is one of the most "normal" things you can do--and he did that just fine. He may have a disease, but he was still a man. He was still a sacred human being, formed by God.

And we got to bless him.



I learned from this trip that it's not the big things you can do that solely make impact in people's lives. It's the little things. It's the scraping of grease off a pan. It's the playing cards with a lonely person.

*Ezek.